I LOVE BDSM

Beginners guide to erotic bondage, domination and submission games

Perfect Edition Preview

The English language edition of a classic for extreme eroticism enthusiasts, featuring all-new photos and lots of links to in-depth articles and resources.

Let’s be frank here: the technical part of BDSM isn’t that complicated after all. To become a ropes and whips virtuoso all you need is practice a lot and study a few notions easily available from many sources, including my other books. The real problems with kink are quite different: coming to terms with your fantasies; finding your ideal partner; integrating the erotic games with your daily life; managing the complex dynamics of a domination and submission relationship… These are also the aspects of BDSM you could hardly find any information about – until now.

I love BDSM is a beginners’ guide that goes straight to the point of what you really need to know to best enjoy kink. This book contains invaluable clear explanations and concrete facts to avoid the typical mistakes of those new to this field, but also all the indications to delve deeper into each topic. The chapter about bondage games is even supported by a series of online video tutorials! In these pages I condensed what I learned in almost thirty years of study and practice of BDSM, to offer you the simplest recipe to build a long-lasting “extreme” relation that will keep both partners happy.

I love BDSM can also be an useful reminder for those who got so far into kink as to lose a general perspective. If you feel domination and submission games aren’t as fun as before, the issue usually is not age nor habit, but simply forgetting which ingredients make these relationships special. Whether you are a beginner or an expert, I promise an exciting read at the end of which you too will cry «I love BDSM»!

The author

Born in 1969, Ayzad is a reformed journalist and the most famous alternative sexuality expert in Italy, writing for several magazines and involved in various research and teaching initiatives.

Author of the best-selling BDSM – A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism (2004) , and five other books only available in Italian for the moment, he also is a personal coach specialized in working with kinksters.

To stay updated on Ayzad’s latest books and articles you can subscribe to the official newsletter on the author’s website, www.ayzad.com

The cover

Idea and graphic elements: Mambo.

The photographs

All photographs are by Stefano Gervasoni.

The video tutorials

All tutorials are courtesy of La Quarta Corda.

The publisher

This digital exclusive Perfect Edition is © 2020 Ayzad - All rights reserved.

The printed standard edition is published in Italian only by 80144 Edizioni, holding the printing rights worldwide.

Information and contacts: www.ayzad.com

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IMPORTANT MESSAGE

Hello,

as the author of this book, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for purchasing the digital edition of I Love BDSM, thus helping me fund my future book projects. I’m sure you’ll find the following pages both interesting and entertaining. Enjoy!

If, however, you have acquired this book without paying for it, I ask you to consider the following:

- Writing is my full-time occupation, and the revenue generated by the sale of my e-books is how I make a living. Every illegal copy therefore deprives me of my just earnings for the hundreds of hours spent producing this text. How would you feel if you had to work for free?

- This book costs less than a fast-food meal. Face it: there’s no real financial reason not to pay for it.

- By purchasing this book, you’ll allow me to write new ones. You wouldn’t want to just read this one, would you?

- Buying an original copy is the right thing to do. You’ll have a clear conscience and be on the right side of the law. At the end of the day, it’s for your own benefit.

If you still haven’t decided to buy it, allow me to make a modest suggestion: try reading the first thirty pages. If you really don’t like them, simply delete the file and we’ll just stay friends. On the other hand, if you find I Love BDSM to your liking, go online and purchase it. While you are at it you can also check out ayzad.com , where you’ll find more e-books available for download (yup, some of them for free) and an entire website dedicated to unusual sex. You won’t regret it, trust me.

To my loved ones

Author’s notes

This digital edition of I love BDSM adds several updates and corrections, new photos throughout, but most of all many links allowing you to directly check out - if your device is connected to the Internet - in-depth articles and resources aplenty. To access them, you just have to tap the  symbol.

Please note that the male gender is routinely used throughout the text for the purposes of simplicity. However, except in those cases where they would be impossible for physiological reasons, the described practices are valid for both genders.

While the information provided in this book is correct, based on firsthand experience and/or cross-checked with several sources, extreme caution is advised when acting out any of the described practices. Given that their effects vary depending on each person’s physical and psychological characteristics, the author denies any liability for any damage of any nature that may arise from putting these into practice.

The scientific notions contained herein are presented in simplified form. You are therefore advised not to consider this book a complete source of scientific information and to refer to specific publications for an in-depth study on the various topics presented.

Foreword

by Fabrizio Quattrini, sexologist

It is said that some movies can change your life. Often they are deep, poetic works that strike you with their original artistic vision. That was not my case.

It was February 2015. Sitting in a multiplex in Rome and surrounded by hundreds of swooning women, I was watching the huge screen with a growing chill in the pit of my stomach. Not because the film was bad (it was. Very.), but because of what it would entail for my job. The title was Fifty Shades of Grey, and as I incredulously stared at the expressionless face of the protagonist my only thought was «God, now all these people will believe that BDSM is actually like that. They are going to emulate this behavior with their partners… and I will see them in my office, where I’ll have to try and fix the disasters they made».

For the sake of clarity, I should say that I love helping my patients and I have nothing against BDSM. However, as a therapist, I get worried every time a new fad pops up suggesting unknowingly hazardous behaviors, for some people will inevitably be influenced and will suffer for that. Fifty Shades depicts stalking, emotional manipulation, sexual conflicts, immature relationships… and erotic games irresponsibly and dangerously performed. All of this is unfortunately portrayed in the glamorous style of a perfume commercial as if it was an ideal to aspire to instead of a menace for one’s well-being.

Let me repeat: mine is not a moral judgment. Any and every sexuality deserves to be respected, avoiding stereotypes, false beliefs, ignorance. In fact, sexual preferences exist within a continuum that can be summarized as follows:

• Statistical normality – The most common form, no better nor worse than others in itself, but simply more frequent. It is the confirmation of stereotypes, the safety of belonging in a group, often forgetting one’s true self-expression.

• Deviance/transgression – Any variation from normativity. Transgression is for the brave, and those who decide to escape stereotypes reclaim their personal and clear erotic-sexual expression of pleasure.

• Paraphilia – A definitely unusual preference, which is however serenely experienced by the subject and their partner.

• Paraphilic disorder – Here the practices are the same as paraphilia, but the difference lies in how they are experienced as a source of distress for the person or those around them. This is the starting level where psycho-therapeutic intervention is desirable.

• Sex crime – At this extreme, the sexual impulse drives the subject to commit illegal acts that are obviously not tolerable.

My apprehension was due to BDSM being a set of practices existing between the second and third levels in this scale: a bit bizarre maybe, but free of contraindications and even beneficial in certain ways. Fifty Shades of Grey describes full-blown paraphilic disorders instead, kind of advertising them. To counter its hazardous nature you would really need some sort of counter-promotion of a healthier way of playing masters and slaves.

With his continuing effort of popularizing unusual sexualities, Ayzad does precisely that. His books are excellent in presenting practices and subcultures mostly ignored by sexology: I always recommend them wholeheartedly in my courses. Still, they have a flaw: no matter how nice they are, they are understandably demanding essays written for an audience committed to investing time and study to enjoy their teachings. Surely, they would not fit most of the ladies who got swindled by Christian Grey’s pecs.

However, this new I love BDSM is somewhat different from Ayzad’s previous works and seems perfect as an antidote to Shades’ disinformation. It is not a treatise, but quickly-readable CliffsNotes containing concrete directions for living a great domination and submission relationship. I also find commendable how he moved the focus from practical execution to the relational aspect of BDSM, which kinksters usually underestimate, leading them into the same problems every couple struggles with… further complicated by the peculiarities of these dynamics.

The choice of dedicating a chapter to each letter in the title, including a most important heart, is especially laudable. This is not a book about BDSM, but about BDSM and the love and passion that fuel it. Just like in Christian and Anastasia’s story, but without the distress, the violence and the immaturity.

Ayzad once chaperoned me at a BDSM party I visited with some colleagues. I will confess that, while he explained the strange contraptions that surrounded us and every secret of whatever the participants were doing, our professional but mostly human surprise was reserved for an unexpected side of that experience. What really struck us was the palpable tenderness among the people around us: not just a level of respect and love that is unfortunately rare in most “normal” couples, but everyone’s infinite care in making sure that their partners were ok, happy no matter the tortures and humiliations.

I can safely bet that you will feel the same surprise as you read the suggestions contained in the following pages. Living your paraphilias happily is not hard, if you are told how.

Doc. Fabrizio Quattrini, PhD

Clinical Paraphilias and Deviance professor,

L’Aquila University;

Experimental Clinical Sciences dept.,

Chieti University;

Italian Scientific Sexology Institute, Rome

Introduction

Pleased to meet you! I am Ayzad: I have been studying and living BDSM - that is, erotic domination and submission games - for over thirty years and, as they say in movies, I have good and bad news for you.

The bad one is that everything you know about BDSM is probably wrong. No matter whether you learned it from the mainstream media or Fifty Shades of Grey, by frequenting the online forums and groups dedicated to this subject or the countless porn websites featuring crops and corsets… the reality is very different.

The good news, instead, is that… everything you know about BDSM is probably wrong. This wonderful erotic art is definitely more accessible, healthy and fun than it is usually portrayed like.

Whips, strange tools and unusual clothing are way less important than the partners’ mental approach, and relationships are often much deeper and exciting than you would imagine. There is not even a hint of violence, while respect, affection (yes, seriously) and even love triumph.

This book will provide you with all the information you need to live BDSM in a serene, fun and safe way. Here you won’t find super-detailed descriptions of every technique and instrument used in these games: for that, there are many other manuals including my own. In I love BDSM I collected instead practical directions about handling the everyday issues of extreme eroticism: those that burden every kinkster and that often feel more hostile than any bondage tie. Luckily, they are also the aspects that make domination games so much more exciting than other erotic arts, and the small effort required to overcome them is always abundantly rewarded.

The other principle I followed was to focus on useful notions, skipping any unnecessary beating around the bush. You are invited to follow me in the following pages and to discover why “I love BDSM”. Which, by the way, isn’t just a title but also the book’s table of contents. Let’s start immediately with the first letter…

By the same author

BDSM - A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism

(2004, Fifth updated edition 2016)

A 600-pages best seller! The most complete book about a form of sexuality practiced by 10% of adults: what it is; how to (safely) do it; its historical, scientific, psychological, socio-cultural and relational aspects; practical resources, and lots more.

Sex Offenders Criminology

(Contributor, Giuffré Francis Lefebvre, 2019 - Italian only)

An exhaustive manual for all the specialists working in the sex crimes field (criminologists, investigators, psychiatrists, psychologists, police, lawyers and attorneys).

XXX – The Dictionary of Unusual Sex

(Castelvecchi, 2009 - Italian only)

A fun yet authoritative dictionary collecting over 1,500 items about the most unusual forms passion may take. The discoveries of official sexology meet the jargon of kinksters to compose a full overview of the incredible ways humans seek out absolute pleasure.

Original Sins

(Ayzad, 2014 - Italian only)

The Italian BDSM world described through a noir novel summarizing over 25 years of personal experiences. Over 4 million people in Italy play extreme erotic games: one of them died in too embarrassing circumstances to make them public. Her daughter must find out why… and her sole chance is to consult an expert.

The Mistress

(Ayzad, 2014 - Italian only)

The amazing life story of the most famous Italian professional dominatrix, as told in her last interview. Adventures, disappointments, anecdotes, confessions and an infinite passion for extreme eroticism paint the surprising portrait of an unforgettable woman and Mistress.

How Much Would You Do It For?

(Ayzad, 2015 - Italian only)

The exquisite literary answer to a challenge to write "the most extreme short story in the world". Among multiple cons, reality shows, insane marketing stunts, social media and a hilarious lack of ethics, a journey behind the scenes of the porn industry to discover its most absurd (yet true) secrets.

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We are waiting for you!

*

If you are interested in the technical side of BDSM practices, their history and their psycho-physiological mechanisms, try checking out BDSM - A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism . It is the best-selling book on the subject, also used as reference text by several universities and sexology courses.

Also, if you wish to delve even deeper in the individual topics of BDSM you can find a commented list of great books in the Resources area of my website, www.ayzad.com .

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Table of Contents

I LOVE BDSM

Author and copyright notes

Start menu

Author's notes

Foreword

Introduction

By the same author

Discuss this book online